Dude, I don't think I'll ever be able to find a girl for me...
Is this the gay conversation?
so her cute freckles turned out to be blackheads
96 perecent sure i just took a shower with socks
I think I can smell my own vagina right now
Just figured out why my bed smells like weed: I just found a bowl in my pillow case?
i want the original willy wonka imagination song to come on when i take a girl to my room
I'm still not walking right. We need some boundaries for "drink-or-dare"...
they drunkenly created an obstacle course for the poor hamster and its ball.
i think i broke my dog last night...fuck
Please tell me I didn't help an old woman shave her vagina last night. Please.
That's the least of the fucked up shit you did last night dude.
Me and allie were just offered cocaine by a strange man in a women's bathroom. Why have I not lived in Austin my whole life?
He refused to pierce my nipples, saying they are the best he's ever seen and that blemishing them would be a crime
Seeing your one night stand on campus never gets less awkward. Why is Subway the only good place to eat?
If he doesn't give you the same feelings you get when the pizza guy arrives, he's probably not worth it.
My cat took a shit on the guy who passed out in the bathtub
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