I can't tonight. I'm still nursing a beach sex injury. Don't wanna talk about it.
yeah well you didnt even puke from the alcohol. we cut you off and went to huck finn's and told you that the "irish cream" coffee creamers had baileys in it, so you shot down like eight of them and puked all over the floor. it was great. we cheered you on and everything
if socks could get pregnant i would have catholic amounts of kids
even if everyone didnt know them screaming eskimo brothers and high fiveing over my head kinda gave it away
It makes me feel uncomfortable and unsafe when he licks my pants
You never realize how many sex toys you have until you have to strategically hide them while moving out of your dorm.
It was worth having to clean the cum stains out of the carpet.
One of my preschool students told me today that it's not pollution that makes the water in lakes unclean. It's the hobos. I was absolutely speechless. And just so proud.
Just woke up to find myself cooking eggs on the imaginary stove in my room.
thanks for the 52 voicemails of you and crystal reciting the pleg of allegance
He was running late for work this morning, so I helped him out by finding a matching pair of black socks. And I hated it. So I'm currently drinking and reminding myself of the reasons I will never get married.
A giant panda just asked me for a cigarette and said "man pandas gotta smoke too." There is something wrong with this place.
We're Scorpios. We're like dogs rolling in whatever smells good to us.
I'm serious. I have boob tassles if this is an exchange thing.
Are you trying to say I've made an emotionally well rounded transformation similar to the Grinch?
Randomize
