I dont like him- his parents were home and he hid me in his closet like anne frank
a/c is broke at work...just took my panties off at my desk and the janitor saw it...might have a date for later. let you know
you threw your tampon into someones open car window...while they were driving.
this crazy girl in up in Dennys is going crazy because Bob Saget just texted her.
Just saw a guy from Kansas and a guy from Nebraska arguing over who had less of an accent. God Bless the Midwest.
You called me at 2am singing 'happy birthday' while screaming 'I fucking love you' verses, all while eating a burrito and taking a piss off your apartment balcony
Yeah I know, the people below me already told me
Just peed in a urinal with another girl. It's that kind of night.
We waved. But it was a "let's hook up" wave.
they adjusted my tv to black and white ... i thought i drank myself to colorblindness
You straight up wore me out. This should be a proud moment for you. It's almost like my penis is asking for a timeout. But not really
So apparently I initiate sex in my sleep
So I'm trying to figure out how to talk my boss into allowing pajama day once a week. Any ideas?
I found a tomato seed inside my jeans. I did not eat tomatoes
There's a guy in a plaid shirt running around asking everyone if they want to head butt him
Talk shit all you want but with my new knife sharpener I have a lethal razor sharp pizza cutter. Fuck with me Mario I dare you!
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