My gyno told me the birth control she prescribed reduces sex drive
wats the point then?
Just because i have a masturbation problem doesnt mean you can put 20 photos of Jesus in my room.
it was funny though when you first woke up you pointed at my shoe and said i need my jacket and then put my shoe on your hand
but he used his one phone call to call mom and wish her happy mothers day, that's gotta count for somethin
The swelling on my elbow and tongue means I may have cockblocked myself.
Just caused a nice traffic jam while trying to park at Costco. Too high to drive.
frozen drink friday is suspended until further notice
Believe it or not I'm actually not the only person sitting in the back of the train covered in glitter and drinking whiskey out of an arizona iced tea can. Small world.
the fact that i already established a hook up buddy for thanksgiving break is genius
Yes, yes I will fake crap in his house for you.
Will you trust fall hold me, so I can pee of this building.
So now I'm lying here in bed taking notes from Teen Mom... I fucked up
COKE WAS NOT ON THE ITINERARY FOR TONIGHT.
I accidentally sent my dad a very explicit Star Wars fanfiction and he replied with "That was great!"
I went to a party last night....I stole all of their ornaments and the toaster oven.
Randomize