Ur dog is a babe magnet. Reminds me of me
Definitely just saw the guy I went on a date with Friday night dressed in medeival knight gear on the quad preparing for battle. Oh my God.
He IMed me 5 times, before my homepage even loaded. This is not gonna work out for me
he yelled "RELEASE THE KRAKEN" then hit me with his dick
She took a crow from her moms Halloween decorations, taped it to her shoulder, went to the bar and made the guys buy a drinks for both her and the crow.
Just induced vomiting to put out a carpet fire.
Everyone is cheering
I'm gunna send you baby bottles of vodka for those nights when you just give up
If you take a post shower shit just get back in bed. You're better off starting your whole morning all over again.
He said I looked like a ballsack and I tried to choke him out with my Ghostbusters pajama pants. Happy fucking Halloween.
Nah. After about 5 shots he decided he needed to clean the gutters. We're headed to the hospital now so meet us there.
i asked him to talk to me in french while we fucked and halfway through i caught the word 'lasagna'. turns out he was making his grocery list.....i asked him to keep going.
how much boxed wine can one drink before work in a couple of hours?
He just stopped me mid blow job so he could text his wife asking for TacoBell.
Remember when you brought a guy home from the bar... to our parents house.... on thanksgiving eve?
She just texted me saying "come over and eat me out, my vagina smells like honey glazed ham." I know I shouldn't be, but i'm just so curious.
Randomize
