i just shit 3 out of the 4 types of matter
I feel dirty and I went home alone. Bars should be like airlines and make fat girls pay double for everything.
Should I go home with him even though I know my Run DMC undies have skid marks on them?
I feel like Captain Blackout doesn't do her justice. Brigadier General Blackout is much better.
spring break forecast: sunny with a chance of shitshow
One of my coworkers just invited me to a wet t-shirt contest this weekend in honor of her son's 21st Birthday.
just did a beer bong in the shower while i was taking an actual shower its officially football time
I feel like strippers are like dogs, the more you show you're terrified the faster they come at you.
I'm not sure which is more depressing, the fact that the hospital is making me put together a living will before surgery, or that all i'll be leaving behind is 25k in student loan debt
Shrimp lo Mein doused in green apple Smirnoff is a rare delicacy only a few get to experience..guess I should consider myself lucky
Can you explain the plethora of sunflower seeds in the dryer?
Jenna, I'm going to use all my homosexual powers to steal him from you
Austin, I will climb on top of your shoulders and slowly suffocate you with my vagina
i'm covered in glitter and body paint WTF
We're showing the video later bring pizza
Dudes don't just lick butts of chicks they're not into.
I keep track of what day of the week it is by my recent destinations on my nav system. \nRight now it's: booty call, bar, booty call, brunch, bar, church so that must mean we are getting close to Sunday when we start the rotation all over again.
Randomize