glad my latex allergy prevents me from being a one-night stand whore
I asked him where the store BJ's was and he unzipped his pants.
threw up in my backpack again. Asian guy I cheat from wasn't pleased.
I just drank Colt45 out of a champagne glass. I feel classy.
Colt 45 out of anything is classy.
i just walked in on him masterbating..to a picture of me. that definitely has to be true love.
I had to step in when you tried to make it rain baking powder on my sister
Ice cream after masturbating>masturbating any other time
All I want is tacobeell and your body
that's my favorite sentence you've ever said.
Just realized my relationship wasn't even Facebook official and I'd already cheated on him. 'Shitty girlfriend' is an understatement.
He spelled Steven with "ph", needless to say my nose was almost bleeding from the amount of axe he was wearing.
I should probably stop opening conversations with 'guess who's horny'.
she told me she wanted to fuck me because i was "rugged". if the definition of rugged is a lack of manscaping, slightly overweight, and pounding 16 oz pbrs, then yes i am rugged as fuck
Agree to hang out with him and then take a gigantic shit right on him. Or if youve forgiven him for being a fucker maybe make out with him.
SCUSE ME I KNOW YOU DIDNT DO THAT MUCH COKE IN 10 MINUTES
I'm mainly pissed because I shaved fucking EVERYTHING for this. WITH SHAVING CREAM. Men do not appreciate how rarely that happens.
Randomize
