I left the party when things started to get crazy... and when I say crazy I mean: there was puke on the carpet, Evan was passed out behind a plant, Mary was making out with her ex while her present bf was making out with Nancy. Not to mention that someone fisted the wall. Also - someone is sleeping on your lawn - they might be dead, I didn't check. Later.
im never drinking mad dog again and i have your belt.
Tip #47, don't trim the bush when you have the shakes!
how did you get vomit on both your shoulders. I mean think about it.
Thanks for not cleaning the drain like you were supposed to. I just vomited in the shower and I had to stand in it until I was done conditioning.
oh and speaking of men I've slept with. Ryan lost 1/3 of a testicle zip lining
For the record you were pretending you were in a rocket when you drove from wawa to your house. So like 2 minutes of me listening to you making rocket sounds over the phone lmfao
I think i should wear mittens next time we have sex.
I poured somre cereal, realized the chocolate to flake ratio was off, tried to fix it by digging through the box, gave up because of the difficulty level, and poured it back in the box. Being high is the best diet.
You invented a drink at the bar and named it Boner Soup. It was like an even trashier version of a long island iced tea
Seriously bro? Indoor roman candle wars? I guess I'll never see that fucking security deposit again
All I wanted was a couple of orgasms before work, is that too much to ask?!
I shouldn't have watched rise of the planet of the apes and then gotten high. I'm now convinced that the cats are out to get me.
wait. i have to tell u something. and it has nothing to do with dildos or spiders
if anyone asks you the platypus in my bathtub is a gift...thats all anyone needs to know
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