Did I ever tell you that the first person i made out with cried?
I'm sitting in the drive through at Mcdonalds right now watching the workers pressure wash the vomit I left from last night.
I know I should be focused on nurturing their bright little minds but it's 10 a.m. and I need a cock in my mouth
i just looked in the mirror i look like i'm about to film a PSA about prostitution
I don't know how Dave is alive, I feel like he's been drinking since I met him.
I told myself I'd stop after three shots of fireball. Haha HA hA.
I tried to have a quickie with him at the company happy hour. I think I need to quit my job.
I see your boobs were ready to greet the new year.
My greatest accomplishment today was eating a box of Thai food the size of a toddler.
Would you accept a fantastic blowjob as payment?
On a unprofessional note, there's a new girl in photo.
That wasn't unprofessional. The fact that I'm going to fuck her is unprofessional.
Jeff brought me a cup of coffee to my desk. He's getting a blow job.
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST.
Mike fell asleep with his hand down my pants. I'm clearly an enticing person.
I'm a teacher who's always telling kids about the importance of due diligence, yet I'm eating an avocado out of a coffee filter because I'm too lazy to wash dishes
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