CAN CRIS ANGEL JUST LOOK NORMAL FOR ONCE?!
for a minute I thought I needed to put on pants to go get a burrito, but then I remembered I'm in college
too bad being hungover isnt a job. just threw up from 9am to 5pm
how do you say "fuck me and leave bruises" in italian?
The last thing i remember is saying breakfast beer and carrying the keg to my room and locking the door.
noo you weren't that drunk. you just knocked the grill over and couldn't get the key in the door, so you climbed through the window. success.
You're going to have to buy me a lot of drinks before the bee suit goes on...
I swear, he has the body awareness of an acid-tripping quadriplegic.
i'm not even sure i have knees anymore. that awesome.
Yeah I don't remember how I got home last night
Judging from my pants, I embarrassed myself smh
I also know you puked in your shoe.
That would explain the note .... I apparently wrote myself an apology note from drunk to sober me .... saying "sorry for the fancy shoe soup" .... ugh I'll never drink again ...
I'm gonna die. First I'm gonna throw up. But then I'm gonna die.
Definitely the only person to buy 2 handles a 2 bottles of champagne & 3 thirties while wearing a fanny pack
What use have I for dignity? It just get's in the way of the really fun stuff.
Staff meetings will be awkward since my boss and I both did the new intern
Maybe she doesn’t know you did him
Oh she definitely knows - it was a threesome
Please tell me you’re not taking life advice from porn scripts again
Randomize
