i'm trying to reconcile what i did last night with who i am as a person.
My low point of the night was when my roommate spit out her jello shot and i took it...
I wish I loved anything like you love Tequila.
Just got cockblocked by coyotes. This would happen to me.
The cops walked in to class and arrested 2 guys for possession.
Dude in front of me just jumped out of line at Starbucks to go puke. Vegas in prime form.
I have stripper ass cheeks all over my glasses
If I were you I'd use my green card to do more coke and less talking
That's not your dick yours is smaller. Nice try.
Wait why do you have a pic of someone else's dick in your phone?
This is literally engraved into my seat "Need crack?" And then there's a number. This isn't real.
I'm not sure why, but my salad smells like a Big Mac. Or maybe that's just the smell of yesterday's, seeping through my skin.
He had a cruise ship of a dick and I need to set sail on that ocean again
I think my liver has finally had enough and is going all Ashley-Judd-in-a-Lifetime-movie on me.
remember that party we went to sophomore year where we found that girl and had the orgy? Im totally at that house right now.
And somehow in between all the vomitting you managed to mumble "Well this is attractive!" And I swear that's when I fell in love. Best. First. Date. Ever!
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