just did a line in a complete hula outfit off a chick in a devil costume. do you think hell will be this good?
my weekend in 10 words or less: hot friend of a friend, open bar, beach house, sore. In that order too.
You never realize just how much you have to be thankful for until you almost shit yourself in a Target.
You were running around the house covered in syrup, with shredded down pillow feathers on your body screaming "AFLACK!" at everyone
I just made princess spaghettios..and I wonder why she broke up with me for not being mature enough.
Yeah the sex got weird after I said "who's your daddy?" and she actually moaned her dads name.
So apparently when I was 2, I went around drinking everybody's beer at some wedding, then passed out in a corner....
This explains a lot.
Curled up in the fetal position, trying not to throw up or think about my future, and humming songs from musicals to myself. You?
I got laughed at by a homeless guy in a Daniel Boone hat. I have no clue what this means for my day
This is the most boring acid ever. I feel like a child. But thats okay, I've been a child before, its nothing new.
Aaaaaaand, there's the title of my second book. "One Dick. Six Angles."
Well thank god i want six autographed copies
I SWEAR TO GOD IF SHE FUCKS WITH OUR GOLD GENE POOL
You made out with both twins? Ten points to you!
You will drink beer in a kiddie pool in your back yard but you wont bring a girl home
this is a mass text: the cage has been opened. repeat, the cage has been opened. a search party will be organized. you are all sloppy bitches. that is all.
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