HE had a tribal tattoo tramp stamp, jasmine.
Just facebooked the guy whose name you're yelling in there. So you're aware, his interests include "swearing at babies" and "Ice luge"
I may be the first guy in history to get dome while watching An Extremely Goofy Movie.
I'm pretty sure he told me he was sterile and I told him I was on the pill. The positive pregnancy test I'm holding in my hand right now tells me that at least one of us was lying.
I don't understand how she could dump me AFTER we had shower sex. I'm fucking great at shower sex
shes the kind of girl that would cock block endangered pandas
Contents of my pockets this morning: phone, condom, one hoop earring, half a cheeseburger, lighter and a $87 receipt from tacobell. Time for work.
All I've had today is a brownie and a shot of Jack, so you know. I'm doing ok.
I drunkenly took 3 laxatives last night since I felt fat.... this is going to be a rough morning
I just dried my bra with your hair straightener because the drier is broken again.
You've never really lived until you tell someone you have an STD over snap chat.
His dick's name has evolved from Sebastian to Big Daddy to Barbara Streisand to Barbara Walters. I think the transformation is finally complete.
It's like everybody loves Raymond but the total opposite and everyone wants him to die
Worst case: you're extra horny, have no control of your mouth or actions, and maybe murder someone. Child's play.
we are the best best friends ever. You had sex in an ice cream truck I had sex in a fire truck
Randomize
