this is the fifth day in a row i've woken up after 3 pm, hungover. I might die when snowmageddon is finally over and we have to go back to class. my liver wont know how to take it.
Fuck you. You would only tell me how to get to your house in Spanish.
I wonder if they'd let me siphon the gas out my car before they impound it
she tried to douche with champagne. in front of all of us. unabashedly.
I don't care how stoned you are, I'm not driving to a different state for a burrito
just gonna show up naked this time. that way i dont have to worry about finding my clothes tomorrow
we shared soup. that is literally the extent of my romantic life right now
I can already tell, the amount of fun I'm having right now is not nearly going to compensate for the amount of "let us never speak of this again" I'm gonna have tomorrow
Dougie got over his pride nerves. Found him dancing on a float wearing nothing but rainbow boxers.
He came home at 2 AM on roller skates with his hair dyed pink while singing "Sweet Transvestite" and throwing glitter on all of us and everything we own. We had to call a cleaning guy.
I have a story for you. It involves waffles and getting naked with the local weatherman.
THE AUSTRALIAN IS SINGLE AS FUCK.
6 hours ago I jacked off a a guy for $100. I explained it away as "compensation" for gas and tolls. WHAT am I doing with my life? Quickest and easiest $100 I ever made though, haha
She pregamed while taking a shower. Came out clean and drunk.
He's a freak. Not like "freak in the bed" freak but like "eats glue in the weekends" freak.
Randomize
