I got into an eating contest with Christina. I ate 6 oranges.
Why? Who won?
we don't know. we ran out of oranges.
I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
I cant find my shoes, my wallet, or my keys, but i know where your sister is.
My t9 writes chubies instead of bitches.
either way. win, win.
Guys who wear capris make me want to kill endangered species.
I just found a porn show called cleavagefield. no i am not watching.
NBC reported that a group almost has enough signatures to submit pole dancing as an Olympic sport in 2016...
God I fucking love America.
apparently breaking a beer bottle and then throwing up in a urinal is a terrible way to pick up girls.
If he starts "inventing" things cut him off. The last thing he invented was chocolate chip green beans and he destroyed my kitchen
Leave it to us to have a family reunion in a bar bathroom
Good idea. You gotta take care of your vagina. She takes care of you. Pay it forward.
I don't think a gay three way is the best way to confirm your sexuality.
So I totally had sex In a teepee last night at that wedding reception.
i woke up in just my thong, face first on my bed with all the lights on. how hungover do you think i felt?
I'm literally trying to cool beer down right now in my car by putting it on my floor and blasting cold air on it
Randomize
