just watched a girl laugh at her own fingers... it's not even noon...
a pedometer??? no beatles?Steve jobs just took a dump in CA and it landed on my heart
why do all canadians talk like horny gerbils are stuck in their throats?
Yeah sketchy neighborhood.. Some woman ran by screaming, "i didn't steal anything" as some cops rolled up and arrested her.
I think his parents are learning english from the phrases I shout during sex.
It's amazing how much better one feels once you put something in your vagina.
I am in his childhood bedroom and I feel like his trophies are applauding me and his stuffed bunny is disgusted with me. Did you know he was a mathlete?
i remember going to sleep after the 4th time i threw up this morning and hoping i didn't have to again because then it would be uneven between saturday and sunday. my ocd is getting out of control
What are your plans?
Get picked up. Convince you to leave work. Smoke. Drink. Fly helicopters.
"There should be some kind of award for sleeping with your ex 9 times in 3 days."
I want to be tan and drunk. Is that too much to ask for?
Last night was a whirlwind of vodka - induced emotion
He's coming over again? GIRL, you're thoroughly enjoying the month of Dicktember.
They gave me 4 meds at the health center and said not to take alcohol with any of them. Guess ill wait until tomorrow to feel better.
It's a testament to the kinds of spouses/parents we will be that we get so wasted but still show up to every class on time. We honor our commitments bitches!
Randomize
