I wanna get so drunk next week I throw up on a guy's genitals. I want to be that memorable for someone.
apparently he couldn't remember my name so he refereed to me as whats-her-boobs and everyone knew that it was me he was talking about
Oh, and no balcony sex...trust me.
Wat the fuck dude ketchup in my bong???
I ate cinnamon toast crunch. I'm officially out of the puke zone. Blackout drunk Friday. WHAT IS GOOD.
Two word: claymation porn. Think about it.
I don't think I can ever express my appreciation for the things you text me.
Cops just came and got two guys out of my class. I can't do college. Seriously cannot rage at this school anymore.
I know he'd never cheat on me. It'd be like choosing Mexican tap water over Patron.
If this were a real emergency kilted men wielding claymores and riding giant badgers would hve rescued said Guinness. So clearly this is just a hypothetical
Don't forget the part about the bar bathroom stumbles.
Oh damn, you're right. I have to include that. You turned off all the lights with your head. That was impressive.
Everybody needs breakup sex. You just happened to get yours from a dude who hasn't reached the point of breakup yet. No biggie.
Nothing says "First Single Holidays" quite like getting baked with the guy that took your virginity four years ago.
so this maintenance guy stood at the corner of my cubical and scratched his balls for like a full minute cause he thought no one could see him
So there is a 50% chance that he just left my house and a 100% chance that I have to be up for work in 2 hours...
Your parents are gone and we haven't fucked in their bed... why?
Randomize
