Is it wrong to scream your own name when about to bust?
I gave up sex for lent.
I guess that means I'm postponing our date until after Easter.
"Not only do I bring a guy back to my hotel room....But I bring one back for my friend who's passed out drunk. Now that's what we call BESTfriends"
the cop then proceeds to point out the "proud parent of a dare graduate" bumper sticker and say well i guess it's time to take that off
Her brother was practicing the clarinet....it was like having sex in a starbucks
I have to verbally tell you. He looks good on paper...but he totally fails in person. Like communism.
I have a ginormous moral hangover. Strip club blues.
seriously who else gets carried home puking from a fucking mary kay party?
Why do the people I hook up with still exist after we're done?
It's like a bag of dicks covered in taint sweat pounding a pregnant baby walrus.
Dude that chick had a dog in her car. Like when she goes bar hoping so does roofus. He gaurds the car.
I am not getting you a goat.
Fair enough. I am not going out with you. The goat was not negotiable.
I'm having a martini with dinner. A new level of class.
I'm stoned and eating mustard, also a new level of class.
He's good looking but he really sounds like kermit the frog, can you imagine how fucking him would sound like?
I got really stoned and got my certification as an ordained minister. How productive has your day been?
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