Your an asshole
Actually, it's "you're an asshole"
My point exactly
I haven't even gone in yet. I'm sitting in the waiting room playing a game i like to call "Who else is here for AA".
i robbed the continental breakfast last night
I don't think you seem to understand this concept. WHEN A GAY GUY HANDS YOU A DAIQUIRI, YOU DRINK IT.
So it took me 20 minutes to figure out that this is the wrong blind date. I'm going to go with it, he's cute and at least it's free beer.
Emergency nipple ring removal:vodka, tweezers, and vodka. Can you bring me a band-aid?
I didn't want sex last night, but she charmed my dick out of my pants like a snake charmer.
Tony's mom to him at breakfast: "I found the shirt you wore last night in the bushes this morning."
She came out of the bathroom listening to her iPod and crying. Then she started scream 'she will be loved'. She seems to be handling the break up well lol
it was like reliving my childhood drunk at a bar.
So I got offered a job this morning based on being a "good role model for girls" and I am drunk at 330 in the afternoon in "celebration." sometimes, life is insane. But not so bad.
I ate all your munchie Mac and Cheese cause you left me on the lawn. If you don't want it to happen gain, drag my drunk ass inside next time
Sorry, my phone died and I decide to charge my vibrator instead. #priorities
He waved at a guy who drove by while we were having sex in the back of a rental car in a hospital parking garage prior to visiting family. Almost made me feel guilty but I liked it too much.
I wish the guy in the stall next to me would stop moaning while taking a dump.
I wish you'd stop texting me from the toilet.
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