it was a shit show
We all have our days. But yours might be on the internet.
if i had a camp nickname it would be Flick Bean
i'm at a baby shower....never been happier to not be having sex currently
You need to get here now. A drunk girl just stumbled into our apartment. shes laying on the floor by our door.
The doctor wrote 'condom retrieval' on my discharge paper.
Woke up in the middle of my kitchen clutching a cheesy gordita crunch
Aka reading hardcore gay robot porn as a steady trickle of elementary schoolers walk by me every so often and im still in uniform as there councilor
Who is also still dressed up as a pirate
After closing we did it on every flat surface in the bar. Best use a coaster if you're coming to happy hour today.
I just pulled a seven inch black hair out of my ass. Pretty sure that means we're dating now
Well I'm in a stranger's bed.
Gotta leave to watch the Lions
I think after tonight I'm 85% lesbian
BUT I'M ALSO ONLY IN IT FOR SEX AND HE CAN'T EVEN GET THAT PART RIGHT.LIKE LITERALLY ALL HE HAS TO DO IS DICK ME DOWN AND BE A DECENT HUMAN BEING IS THAT SO HARD TO ASK?!
Wait is this place where the strippers are missing teeth and I think one is missing a thumb? Though I don't know how she would maneuver on the pole without a thumb. Pls advise.
Why am I a human magnet for the worst dicks of the world?
The report specifies "melted cheese food" as the cause of the burns. Your pride, like your cock, isn't getting out of this without heavy damage.
Randomize
