You broke her grandpas urn and ran your hand through his ashes claiming it was pixie dust. I think thats why shes mad at you..
No room in fridge, chilling wine in snow. Do NOT let the dog pee on it.
his mom gave me my lost underwear folded up along with the rest of my christmas present. tell me this cannot be happening.
oh yea it is. i was not expecting to look at a snowbank and just see flying mushrooms
What do you mean how did you end up there? You told him he had a face you'd like to ride, that's a deal sealer in any language.
all i could think about while he was eating me out was how pretty his eyelashes were
And drunk me decided to play keep away with sober me's dignity
Hahahahaha. That's what your stoned ass gets for eating half a bag of processed cheese at 2am.
Naked chocolate chip pancake making. I just spilled mix all over the place. My boobs are covered in flour. This is not going well.
Fuck you asshole. You cost me cheerleader pussy.
ill be home in an hour. Be in my bed ready for disappointment
We trekked into the state forest, laid the comforter down and he proceeded to tell me that we could stay here and stargaze, turned me around and fucked me like the lion king.
I'm sorry I didn't get you anything for your birthday
It's just you didn't get me the fucking bear suit last year
Okay but look at his jawline. I NEED TO RIDE IT.
Girl just left one of the apts upstairs carrying a giant bottle of kahlula and a lunchable.... I feel like we could be friends
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