YOU CAN RENT MIDGETS ON CRAIGS LIST
I told you not to ruin your birthday surprise!
For someone who "only drinks patron" your lack of pickiness with men alarms me
my debit card account is gonna say movie, movie, ice cream, movie, cheese fries, get a fucking life, movie
Jeff just maced a waitress...it's way too early for this.
I also referred to her clitorous as her "vagina dot" last night...probably going to be dumped soon.
he was banged his ex for coke the whole time and is still the best guy so far this year. standards need to be raised.
took adderall before wrapping presents, ended up making paper snowflakes for two hours
You just jumped of the couch and yelled "hidden tiger crouching dragon!" That's the answer to how you broke your finger.
No worries, I've prioritized my homework into "can do drunk" and "should be sober" categories. We're good.
This bird just went for my eyes. Does he think I'm dead???
There are no winners in a lube eating competition.
I worry about your feelings an awful lot for somebody who gets off on making you cry
Charging my vibrator at work. Pray to god I don't forget it!!!
Pretty penis doesn't make up for awkward eye contact.
How did you get so drunk?
Alcohol.
Randomize
