He left the bathroom door open so i would hear him masturbate in the shower to make me feel guilty for not putting out but it just turned me on cause i like guys masturbating. weird?
this year's halloween challenge: make audrey hepburn go from classy to slutty drunk
The smoke alarm went off as soon as we opened the closet.
All I remember from last night is petting the broom with my feet and feeling like I was standing on a horses head
i am going to show so many millionaires my nipple
Although, I did get to see a Raiders fan and his toothless girlfriend get roughed up by the police and dragged out of the stadium. So the night wasn't a total loss.
he asked me to "shake his dick" when he introduced himself, playing naked football with you in our living room. $100 says you two get married one day.
I knew us throwing ourselves at him back in the day would pay off. I'm gonna b a divorcees rebound. Score!
We're now referring to our nightly Skype time as "strokes of genius." Long distance sucks.
I told her to not worry about it. Lone Star is an excellent first trimester beer.
Well I either feel like the fat girl or very accomplished because his bed is now broken in three places
Tempting guys with beer and cheese. How Midwestern are we?
we got cupcakes after we fucked. gives a whole new meaning to sugar daddy
..needless to say, i got fired. But I'm in the parking lot tanning on top of your car... so its not all bad.
So the same great-aunt that told me to freeze my eggs for procreation just told me that I should strut around the dance floor b/c I'd get picked up.
I need to meet your family.
Randomize