do you remember putting condoms over both your hands and asking me if your fists would be too big.
You were so high at Ikea last night that you were convinced you could speak Swedish. The whole the time you were our navigator and when we got to the cashier you were hitting on the lady. When she gave you her number you told her you were saving her number as Inglfurfta cuaue she must be swedish since she works there.
Is it sad that I find it completely normal that I just took batteries out of a vibrator to put them in a pencil sharpener so I could do homework?
I find this completely acceptable.
after taking her first shot and having her first random hook up she finally feels like she is ready for college
she has no idea
I'm sorry about your car but on a brighter note I did wake up in my dorm. That's something right?
Fuck you.
I swear this guy grew up in land without leagues. someone should inform him he's way out of mine
I have three paper towels stuck up my vagina. This is not a time to be calm.
What are you talking about?! I shot gunned a monster while simaltaneously blowing gym boy Todd. If I'm not the poster child for being well rounded and versatile I have no idea what NYU is looking for
You cant come. You're a Colorado native who drinks Bud over Coors. Fucking homegrown terrorist.
It was like something out of a fucked up fairy tale. He just crowdsurfed over to her while riding a keg, said "come sail with me", and then the crowd carried them off into the night. What.
Driving home this morning in my minion costume makes me rethink the 0 tint on my windows.
I just scored a new eye doctor and a date all in one email. BOOM!
I woke up with your vibrator in my face
he’s basically the devil with a fuck boy hair cut and chlamydia
You were so drunk, you kept telling everyone you had a platinum vagina.
Randomize
