Man, ugly runs in her family
yeah, big time
you texted me last night and told me you couldn't find the toilet.
That explains the puddle of pee in my closet.
i can tell by the sound of your bed that he isnt that good at sex.
It's 9:30am and I've already blown three loads. Reason #101 I love 25 year old girls.
The bloodstain in the garden looks like a sad face. Like I don't already know this is bad...
He drew a face on his balls with a sharpie. It was like giving head to a unicorn.
Don't ask me how or why, but I'm drunk with German diplomats. Come over. Now
The Deck is crawling with Cougars. Sound the irresponsibility alarm and come drink with me on a Tuesday night.
Please stop letting me make out with hot lesbians.
Definitely not. I may be your best friend, but first and foremost I am a guy. Please continue.
I was grossed out that all their candles smelled like vagina and then I remembered where my fingers had been.
What part of don't open in front of your kids didn't you understand? Astroglide, magnums, fuzzy handcuffs and a blindfold are going to be hard to explain as friends presents.
My heart wants him and my vagina wants him...to have a bigger dick.
like when you break up with someone your virginity slowly starts to grow back & when it's done it's like ding ding ding you're ready to date again
My little sister just helped me edit my nudes so that's how my night is going
Note to self: never fuck a Canadian, surprisingly highly disappointing
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