i'm all for saving the environment, but when we get into the shower to fuck, he shouldn't flip his shower hourglass timer
i just saw a guiness commercial where the guiness was on the verge of spilling the whole time. i was on the edge of my seat scared shitless. im an alcoholic.
i feel like verizon should give a sexter of the month award
He came in my nose, then said it would help clear my sinuses.
You sir are most definitely in. Better get your penis an umbrella as that bad boy is gonna get soakkkkkkeddddd.
He ripped off his shirt and tried to give me CPR. That damn bong.
The worst decision I made last night was allowing myself to be duct taped to the ceiling
Hey, if I can't get it and you're still alive, can you get the glass out of my foot? Happy Sunday.
Dude I am allergic to the candy dicks from that sex shop in Vegas. Come take me to hospital right now.
Instead of a fine and a few hours in jail he chose to get tasered, break his neck and shit his pants
There is a video recording of my birth. I have seen it. It is terrifying.
I'm drunk enough to know I'm texting you and sober enough to know what I'm saying to you
I offered the opportunity to grope my boobs for pints. Two girls took me up.
I don't need no damn man when I have the cock-a-nator 2000.
his mom fetish really needs to stop. this is literally the 5th time i've come home from work and there's been some random skank and her kids in the living room.
did one of the kids use their poo like a crayon on the wall this time?
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