Hate sex is AWESOME! I faked it, and when she fell asleep i came in her purse.
Its not even 10am and we are talking about what guys assholes we would finger.
i drank out of a bidet.
This girl did not understand, once police sirens go on, road-head needs to STOP
Siri just called me GayBoy in front of my family. I will destroy you.
My nipple piercings are like the guardrails, that's why they feel so safe.
I've never seen a guy eye-fuck someone so hard in my entire life. I thought he would develop laser vision, bore holes into your body, and not even realize your innards would be spilling everywhere. That's how bad it was.
That time we were having sex when you were super drunk, I kept yelling out, "Oh God," and you said, "You're going to need him after this." Idk why I suddenly thought of that.
So I'll bring my machete and we can smoke your shit.
Out of context, that is a hilariously scary message.
That's like doing a cinnamon challenge in my vag - but more painful.
I say I hate my boss but I find myself jerking off to him more and more with each passing day
I just want to braid flowers into his hair and steal all of his pills.
He offered me free drinks all night if I could beat him in a drinking race. I blacked out after that but just found his credit card in my bra so there's that.
We are back but we are listening to stairway to heaven in my car. Amy is air drums. Be back when it's over.
I only have sex with you to have a memory to masturbate to.
Randomize
