There's a girl here with sideburns. I gave her your number, you can thank me later.
Shiiiit I think I'm getting sick. probably had something to do with the fact that i shared my mouth with everyone last night.
Wait. That came out far sluttier than I intended.
so we told my parents we were going trick or treating. got high as shit at some playground. and then bought our own candy so we looked legit when we got home.
guy in the car over is getting some terrible road head. he just gave me a thumbs down when he noticed i was watching.
He just slept in my bed for a couple hours and asked lots of questions about gay sex. No, I do not have his number.
dont be like that, i wasnt picking him over you. I was picking multiple orgasms over zoolander.
I ate the snowman's head. That is not a drug euphemism.
i just rememebered i spent like 5 minutes on the ground warming some chicks toes.
we were sitting on his couch watching tv and laughing at how funny the voices on the commercial were, then we realized the volume wasn't on.
You know you're an adult when you break 100 to get 75 cents, to buy a condom from a bar vending machine in South Boston.
I know I've wanted to fuck him for the past month, but when you're that hungover, the only chemistry you have is with a pillow and a gallon of water.
I'm giving random strangers at the bar sips of my fishbowl, then telling them I have Ebola. It's a fun night.
sitting in a shitty karaoke bar playing pokemon go and drinking a mimosa. how is your sunday night
I forgot that I'm high because of how high I am.
3 weeks in a row I've pulled '69' at the deli counter...God is giving me shit for not getting laid in a year....
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