OMG - This guy with a mullet just told me - it wasn't a mullet - but his hair dresser layered it wrong. It's so walmart in here. I hate you.
i just made a girl do the walk of shame. as a bumblebee. i love halloween.
its sad im about to start saving up for how drunk i need to be for the holidays
Alright, I can go by eventually,, I don't wanna lose a second pair of shoes this semster from blacking out...
Someone just got kicked out of the mall for being dressed like a giant cat. I feel like this is in your future.
did you not get the photos of the finger bruises on my ass?
I like to get drunk just like anyone else but not to the point of sticking a rubber tube up my asshole
It feels like a bunch of leprechauns are using my brain as a soccer ball
So, last night I fell asleep sitting Indian-style on the floor, propped up against the front of the couch with an empty wine bottle in between my legs... How was your night?
I broke a glass at the bar and ended up with blood on my forehead. I apparently kept screaming BLOOD like the little boy in that YouTube video.
You told your mom that it was your second day sober. I think she believed it until you jumped off the balcony
No apologies necessary. Just give me sex and Pop Tarts, and we'll call it even.
But he was still all, "YOU TEXTED TONY WHILE YOU WERE GETTING FUCKED?!" Like THAT was the weird part.
My boss is paying me to come clean his house in a maid outfit and told me not to tell anyone....this is shady as fuck but I need the money
I'm floating on a rainbow and a purple elf is giving me advice. COME NOW!!!
Randomize
