I know right? mind you this is the same woman who told me when I was 12 that oral sex just meant talking dirty
do u think i could put an abortion on my debit card?
I'm tempted to see how fat I can get before he leaves me. It's obvious we're playing a game of chicken here.
Why does it always end up with me crying in my car.
I'm sorry. I know you didn't expect me to be arm deep in vagina when you walked through the door.
I just realised I've never been sober in my apartment
At some point I'd like to figure out how the weird kid from sociology ended up on my couch naked hugging what appears to be some sort of clothing....seriously it's creeping me out
She is sending me pics of her sex faces...which totally counts as sexting in my book
I had to convince someone last night that the fact that he couldn't get me off wasn't him it was me and to clarify I had to tell him there was only. One person that got me off every time without fail, he said "that guy is my hero" you should be proud
Favorite thing said to me in 2012: It's like you have two tongues!
Were you keeping a list?
I'm trying to get fucked by 4 girls here, and you're worried about verb tenses?!
I am too high to deal with coming home to 11 naked people in my living room
All right, sex is off the menu for you. Now you just get friendship. So I can spend marginally less time being annoyed by you.
Im quite confident that my struggle with sobriety ended last night sometime after dinner
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
Randomize
