we're microwaving frozen margaritas its not the same without u
Surefire way to sober up: discover that your car is being towed at 2 am.
The mystery has been solved. Seagulls have sex doggy-style.
So, does it mean i'm loose if he can't even tell when he fell out?
I woke up in the penthouse and did lines off the to of the fireplace. This is not real.
I'm not sure how appropriate a drug deal is while at a wake.
I just woke up in my ex-boyfriends bed, with my new boyfriends jersey on. I love March maddness.
David pulled a magic mike again and started stripping on every street sign we passed.
Pretty sure I'm about to get another tattoo. It'll have mom in there somewhere for Mother's Day.
Oh my god. That was the best half-hour of my life that didn't involve genitals.
Drinking hard cider in a room full of freshman girls. Never felt so secure of my manhood
I probably wouldn't
It's finals week and I'm halfway done with this bag of wine and don't plan on stopping. Say goodbye to my GPA
I need to be her Aladdin, and show her the world. The sex world.
just drove past - why are you walking towards the shop in your pyjamas?
Can't talk, on a quest for bacon.
I wasn’t trying to be creepy it just happened
I’m beginning to think that’s your defining personality trait.
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