I may or may not have screamed I'M ON A BOAT while having sex...on a boat. I think I was born to have sex with him.
and that's why he's hiding in the taco suit
Went to use to bathroom and walked in on karaoke. Two girls singing "a whole new world" to each other in the shower. I'm gonna miss this place in the summer
my mom just informed me that im way nicer when im high and offered to supply my weed until our house guests leave.
does that include her cleaning your bowl?
I found the perfect eye liner, it passed the blow job test, no smudging!!
you know it takes a lot for me to use utensils conservatively
he was wearing ninja turtle pajamas and he STILL got laid. who the fuck is this guy?!
last night we stole an a/c window unit from a frat. gonna be a great summer
i accidentally sent all my draft messages..how do i do damage control for the multiple "fuck me now" type msgs sent at ten am?
You are a magnificent human being. I love you from head to toe. This wine is DELICIOUS.
8===D
That's the bat signal to come over and fuck me.
MEG JUST LICKED A DRAIN PIPE. DAVE PUNCHED MATT IN THE THROAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN. I REPEAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN.
Call it slutty but I take pride in being a first round draft pick booty call. And I know I was first cause he texted me at 1030a
Dude, you fell into a tree, and both of the tables, AND the window well... Resilient aren't you?
I did a line off of, and then danced on top of a table older than this country.
Harvard is great.
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