are you wasted or are you getting laid?
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wow
So I'm cool with the whole break up, but it sure is a shame we didn't get to use those handcuffs.
i just saw a woman using her birth control packet as a wallet.
just woke up and this girl had my cellphone nestled in the front of her thong. i kept thinking "is this a trap?"
just weighed my balls on my pocket scale. that high.
then mid-sex he looked at me and said "i hope this is as good for you as it is for me" and kept going.
Sober December ended when I found beer behind my bed...I lost $2000 but spent 6 hours sober. Meet me at the bar?
I started making breakfast to subdue the hangover and last of the shrooms and only got as far as eating a half frozen pierogi out of a dixie cup.
well you're talking about the girl who after 4 years, several relationships and several fuck buddies, has yet to have sex in an actual bed
I'm wearing green eyeshadow so even if I end up totally naked I still won't get pinched.
im just laying in bed, eating, getting fat, enjoying eating and getting fat, thinking about how i will probably have to get a fat boyfriend.
That's good. Don't want to see you bellydancing in prison for homemade wine.
She makes margaritas with lemon-lime 5 hour energy..thats brilliant
and you were wondering how she got into Harvard
Okay. So I've done lines off a bible. But that's just for the sake of being cliché.
Drinks have officially taken priority over self-respect, and I'm not even all that torn up about it.
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