Moving to Utah. Got sick of alcohol and have a severe wife shortage.
I'm actually glad you're quitting. Now there's one less person at work who's seen me naked.
Just stepped in shit. Not sure if its mine or the dog's. Get some of our friends on the way back from work and just have the intervention now. I will totally understand.
we need to find that guy that whips out his cock at the bar again
aaaaaand im pretty certain i told that boy i just met that "his balls better be out tomorrow"
There appears to be a lake on my nightstand. As usual, I should not be considered a suspect. Together, we will find out who did this.
I got stoned in my snow covered car and pretended I was burried alive
you puked on the porch, i can see your jacket on the floor next to your underwear. i know your home, unchain the door, you're the worst roommate ever.
That last minute feeling of hesitation on whether I should bring my health card to the bar usually means I'm in for a good night.
He's high as balls tripping balls and doing a reenactment of the scene where Buzz jumps off the balcony and can't fly to his soundtrack of Toy Story.
I'm beer bonging chocolate fondue. That's how my Valentines Day is going.
I just realized why I have little cuts all over my fingers. There was a broken pint glass in my purse last night.
So apparently someone caught him as he was falling. And carried him around the rest of the night.
I can always pull a half day at work too. My boss makes exceptions for drug use. Lol. I fucking love my job.
That's the 3rd negative pregnancy test this month. I'm on a roll.
Randomize
