There comes a time in every girls life when she must use her boobs for good instead of evil.
Your pregnant arnt you
bottle of wine in one hand cigar in the other. 5 am. topless on our fire escape. and she cleaned our bathroom... i like his new girlfriend.
is it STILL halloween? when did this turn into a week long holiday
I brought him to this party even though we're not together anymore because we made a bet on who would have sex first, and it is a sausage fest up in here.
What shirt can I wear out that says 'I may have a broken arm, but it's not the one I give handjobs with'?
It was so cute that he apologized for getting cum on my couch. If he realized how many guys had cum on that couch in the past year, he wouldn't have touched my vagina with a 10-ft pole.
Excuse me, but I got friendzoned and all I could think about was the fact that I didn't have my underwear back on yet.
Sailor Jerry came over for the evening. It was a magical evening. I didn't even get puke in the house.
I just gave him road head. He came in the Taco Bell drive thru which seems pretty typical for my life.
You're like a human soul vacuum cleaner.
He spilled some of his beer on your shoulder then proceeded to lick it off. By the face you made, I don't know if you were completely horrified or really turned on.
I'm laying in bed cuddling with my teddy bear and eating waffles. I need a fucking boyfriend
I am drunkenly riding a razor scooter up and down the hills of Cincinnati
What in the fuck are you doing with your life
We havent had power for three days. What else is there to do besides drink and fuck? I thought that was obvious.
She's the other freshman on this drunken voyage
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