She just texted me saying, "I wish you were a better person so I could fuck you without regrets"
I looked at my own cervix.
i'm at a baby shower....never been happier to not be having sex currently
Opportunity cost of getting to econ after a night on the town > marginal benefit of attending class
Good thing I was dressed to impress in my "I went nuclear on my wings" shirt even the girls are making out and I'm still 7th wheeling it...
That feels better than graduating college or that time I tried to ride a llama. Did you know they really spit?
So I've been thinking about this, and I've decided my bed is magic. Every time I change the sheets, a new boy is in my bed. I own the Sheets of Dreams-if I change them, they will come.
candyland with pharmaceuticals ... what could go wrong
I vaguely recall putting a toaster in the freezer.
I took the pregnancy test for shits and giggles, but neither shits nor giggles were had.
I want to have sex with Will Smith. I guess I have a thing with 90s sitcom stars. Stamos, Joey Lawrence, John Goodman.
"We hooked up and in the morning he emailed me his mix tape"
He once bought a dildo and put fifty dollars and a happy anniversary note in the battery compartment I gotta lock him down while hes available
Shes the whorey leader of that wolf pack, and all the less whorey wolves report back to her. She teaches them the ways
I think the cashier at 7/11 might be planning an intervention for me.
Randomize
