I heard porn and smelled bacon cooking. I knew you had to be home.
It's the first day of summer. It's not a race it's a marathon. Pace yourself
So you met him?
More like I walked in on him, drunk, naked, and doing "bathtub yoga". Please stop bringing your dates home.
My dick pics could make it to the popular page on Instagram.
What if there is no right person? Maybe it's just the right cat. Or the right 12 cats.
What kind of present accurately says to my male suitemate "I'm sorry that I accidentally flashed you my vagina while I was super drunk"?
Also I'm so used to having sex with river guides that when he pulled out a condom I was actually surprised
I tipped him really well because I feel he knew we were high, but did it in a non judgemental way.
I'm about to eat a 2month old weed brownie I just found in my lax duffel bag. will you answer if I call you in like an hour and a half
Naked and Afraid: Hangover edition
I AHVE A WINE BUCKETTTTTTT
The man who almost made us Eskimo sisters is getting married. Of course I'll be your date. We need to toast the end of his sex life!
Am I supposed to get so horny by looking at your dick that I start orgasming uncontrollably
My one night stand asked me out to dinner. When he came to pick me up I got in the back seat. I thought he sent an uber. Awkward.
You burped in your shoe and whispered 'you're mine now'
Randomize
