I'm pretty sure that he just gave me the ginger disease
you know that annoying kid in my psych class? accidentally hit him in the face with a door today. perfect end to the semester.
I'm gonna fingerblast you when you get off work. Get ready.
I'm having salsa con queso and a leftover half-drank/flat red bull for breakfast. Nothing you propose doing today would be a downgrade.
Thought about you all night last night, then I fucked the shit out of my boyfriend. Win win for me.
I'm the one on the patio wearing underwear. Holding a pipe. Pigtail and glasses. Can't miss me.
Only you would have a vasectomy while you're awake and report on the soundtrack first
We're going to brunch on Super Bowl Sunday. I am not a smart man.
Is it customary to send a 'thank you card'to someone who gave you awesome oral as a gift at your housewarming party?
Look, if this is a cop, just lemme know that Mike is ok. Fuckin all star game
I'm all about clean living these days
You started your day with fried chicken and a bloody
... after you woke up in your own urine
She's asleep in a fisher-price toy car
Drunk text the hot guy two doors down confessing my love for him.... He gave me a thank you card today.
You’re sleeping on my couch so you’re not making dick appointments tonight
She shouldn’t care what consenting adults do behind closed doors
You do realize it was her husband you were hooking up with behind that door, right?
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