Bullshit. I know you're watching The Dog Whisperer
That Cesar Milan is captivating
Whenever I'm sad I just imagine if babies were born with mustaches...
you were leaning against the vending machine asking if there was a shower you could puke in.
I mean it's my life so what if i want to drink Molson from my sparkly shoes and not regret anything
stuck in traffic next to occupy boston. smells like patchouli and unshaven pubes
You know, you have a good excuse now if you have a poor performance. Just say "what do you expect? I took a paintball to the DICK!!"
Remember when we used to go to the bathroom to do drugs together? Now it's to help you with your spanx.
The EMT told me when I left the ER "I'd like to take off your pants again and inspect your package. Just not during a medical emergency..." We're hooking up tonight.
Points for getting a hot hook up after getting a shard of glass in your thigh. Almost makes it worth it.
it's always good to have a friend that's a hairdresser, a massage therapist, maybe throw in a lawyer just in case, and always have a friend on food stamps
The beer shits the day after completing the World Beer Tour at Epcot are just as epic as the tour itself.
I don't want to be "that guy" but I may have accidentally sent a dick pic to your mom
After he finished he laid there and told me how much work that just was. I looked at him and told him not to ruin a good thing by opening his mouth.
I'm her ex, so unless you're interested in her massive moral failings and open season vagina, I'm not your guy.
my roomie eats chipotle far too often. when i was looking for a bag to throw up in I had my choice of a wlamart bag and 10 chipotle bags
I can't be held responsible for what I do for you after a blowjob like that.
Randomize
