What ever happened to making out with a few boob grabs here and there?
I have a pussy blister if you wanna poke at it with a needle tomorrow...by this text i realize just how strange our relationship is, especially because you're probably excited
I think you mean your blister is filled with pus...atleast i hope
Just spent the last three hours in the library successfully refreshing facebook
pretty sure I offered to blow her dad. she's not speaking to me & he won't stop winking at me.
You owe me $8 for the carwash I needed after you threw the salmon on my windshield.
Just used my boobs as a ramp to guide ramen into my mouth.
I am too hungover to address any of this right now, every time i move it feels like i'm being bitch slapped by the hand of God
karaoke mosh pit has descended into fisticuffs, send backup
all i remember of last night is that i was drinking jameson and then NOTHING i do remember walking a dog though\nwhich is sooo fucking weird
OH MY GOD ITS COMING BACK I PUT THE DOG IN THE HOTTUB TOO
5am, I am wayy too drunk for this. Hookers came out of nowhere. They're like ninjas. Some poor soul got the fat one, tomorrow's going to be interesting...
I spilled beer everywhere which led to an oil fire and me melting a spatula again. And then I was late to class so I explained what happened to the teacher.
The dog just shocked himself by peeing on Christmas lights, should I have saw that coming?
I wound up running down the street in 12 degree weather in just my bra and then fell asleep cuddling my bottle. You tell me how last night went.
Just got a Lifeproof case for Christmas so hold on and tell me how my shower nudes look
I have blood and BBQ sauce all over my shirt. I blame you for the blood.
Randomize
