God help me. Come pick me up. The guy told me this is not a hotel and i had to leave.
He didn't know it yet but he was about to go down on me.
Why does it say "go to Planned Parenthood tomorrow" on my dry-erase board?
Swear. I think after passing out in a community college parking lot I can safely nominate myself for the piece of shit of the year award
We were walking home when he passed out, we left him. Just got a call from him, hes in a jail in Canada.
There is so much to learn about oneself from autofill.
Well, I woke up with a text message from my cab driver that said "I hope you're alive," so that's a good indicator of how I was acting last night.
I'm drinking red wine & feeding anchovies to the dog. I'm really not picky about what kinda of company I'm in.
You know it's been awhile when the imagery of fucking AT A DENNY'S gets me really turned on.
This tequila is so bad I might cry. I won't Throw up but I might cry
All she said to me before going to get another shot was "Damn, I'd eat her out."
the awesomest thing about staying behind in our lame ass dorm room by myself during spring break: I've now nutted in 3 inconspicuous locations on your side of the room. brag to me again about how fucking awesome tahoe is you shithead. I dare you.
I don't want to spend an inordinate amount of time with you, I want to have sex with you. Duhhhhhh.
I refuse to fake an orgasm. If I'm dating him, he better work for that shit.
Just FYI: if you happen to notice a liquid of some sort on my kitchen counter with an interesting color/ texture, don't taste it
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