I kind of feel like guidos are mythical creatures.
It's my birthday, I plan on masturbating and boating, maybe even masturbate on the boat.
She gave me a bj in her parent's kitchen while I ate the rest of her mom's birthday cake. Fuck. Yes.
Note to self: Don't teach the naked lap rule in beer pong until after youve made a cup..
the two person party stopped when i realized that he tried to throw a hammer at my head.
If I get laid, we are framing that mattress and hanging it on the wall as the place we both lost our virginities.
Happy heartbreak day....you got chocolates, I'm eating them/ throwing them out the window at passing couples
drunk caitlyn doesn't know how to work gmail. so know an email has been sent to the entire campus with a picture of me naked eating a bagel attached.
The majority of the reason I want to get my pilot's license is so I can use the argument "FUCK YOU! I'M A PILOT!"
I went over to help her build a porch, but we decided that was too much work, so we just got high and watched Scooby Doo
Like he held up the condom afterwards, twirled it with his finger, and said "look at that load"
I have shit my pants twice this week. #adulthood
His dick is the size of my forearm. Would it be rude to ask to take a comparison photo after sex?
You ruined the universe
Pride log, day two. Noticing more bruises and scrapes. Liver functions probably very lowered.
Randomize
