you're drinking in the law library????
...not a bad idea....
probably not a good idea either.
I think the only thing that impresses me are nice penises...and Jesus. Jesus would impress me. Especially if he walked on water again.
How many times do you have to sleep with a guy before you get him to kiss you???
I wonder if you could grow some weed in a chia pet
Should I text him? Life is confusing when you actually like someone instead of just wanting to blow them.
It's not kidnapping if it's romantic
I just fell down the stairs in the library and further deviated my septum. That's why I don't study.
Note to self: do not ride giant beanbag chair down stairs.
I bought something for you today. You'll love it.
What is it? Drugs?
He passed out. I tried to set his chest hair on fire.
How exactly does a handjob become fancy?
Blueberry lube, and champagne.
I feel like my life just hangs in the balance of "Yeah I'm probably not doing this right"
He literally shoved the EMT, climbed in the back of the ambulance with his vodka and was like, "C'mon, people. Wrap this up. I got shit to do."
I need a sign that says “please don’t make plans with me if I’ve had two or more drinks. I will regret them. I will have bitter feelings towards you. Then I will cancel and feel guilty.”
When I came she triumphantly exclaimed, "MUAHAHA VICTORY IS MINE!"
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