Threesome last night. Not that cool, you tend to pick a favorite.
I just gave my patient permission to swallow while pregnant. She was so embarrassed to ask...but her bf was really happy with the answer.
I've never been so happy to start my period. I'm gonna let everyone in the store see me buying tampons.
they arrested me when i was peaking, i'm pretty sure they were specifically looking for me but i was too busy rolling around, loving the grass to notice the police car..
I won't go into too much detail about this but you should probably wash your sheets. In bleach. Or just burn them. Thanks for letting me sleep in your bed bro. Enjoy scotland.
I dnt think she needs convincing on the threesome part, it's the threesome with your roommate situation that needs some work
she said she wouldn't go home with me until she looked up my name in her sex offender app. do i really give off that vibe?
Yeah. It's not just the beard either.
I guess I was blacked out I hopped a fence and hugged a cow that night.
I feel like it is our duty to make homophobic people more afraid of us. They're never going to change, but maybe we can get to a "wrath of god" kind of worship-him-or-he'll-destroy-you-with-his-care-bear-stare type thing.
Double dirt bag award winner tonight. He picked me up in his wife's car.
WHY IS SHE PANDERING YOU, A SIMPLE GOBLIN, TINY WEENER PICTURES OVER STATE LINES
It's gonna be me and some oreos tonight. Basically like sex
We could just stay sober.
No! We tried that once.
It sucked.
Whose the chick running for dorm president promising bigger dicks and softer toilet paper? That’s who I m voting for
I’m not saying you’re wrong, I’m just saying he’s denying what you’re saying.
Randomize
