who let me buy 6 packs of big league chew? and eat them all? thats not cool
There was a pool of blood on my desk and we still don't know who it belongs to. missed a good party, man.
SOME GIRL ON THE STAIRS IN FRONT OF ME JUST FARTED AND IT WENT STRAIGHT INTO MY MOUTH!
Fun fact: Antibacterial soap will not take the combined smell of bbq sauce and vagina off your hands.
They live so far away from me that not fucking them both would have been financially irresponsible
It's been two weeks and I still have carpet burns on my knees. Well done.
Told him I'd blow him in the bathroom. There was a giant window everyone was looking thru. He whipped it out n I burst out laughing n walked away. Even blackout drunk I set the bar high. You should be proud.
Excellent idea. Nothing says "congrats for resurrecting yourself, Jesus" like Greygoose at noon!
winnie the pooh came out of nowhere and offered me a burrito...it was a fucking amazing burrito.
The sad thing is; I'm getting used to walking around feeling like I could hurl at any minute.
Wesley I'm sober and my body hurts. There wasn't much trust in any of those falls.
I sexted him with a GIF from titanic and it worked....
Costco (TM). Making alcoholism affordable!
.......he just venmo charged me for the burrito I was eating while he broke up with me
Guess who won a basket of sex toys in front of his parents, aunts, uncles, sister, and cousin...
Randomize
