I'm so fucking centered right now
I know it's VERY late and i know i may have burdened you, but on the chance that it's sat nite- are you up or willing to be? Christinas camping and i'm chillin alone.
HELP! I am trapped in a douchebag ad... full of Affliction and Ed Hardy. Seriously? is he gonna leave his sunglasses on the entire 10 seconds of this encounter?
Most the numbers in my phone are mistakes. It's a virtual graveyard of people I should never pick up for.
the fact that you could barely do more than slur incoherent sentences didn't stop you from correcting her grammar
The higher i get, the less gay he looks, and the more i want to make out with him. This is dangerous.
I have a question: does pizza dipped in chili sound good or am I just really high?
the most romantic thing he could do for me right now would be to throw himself into traffic
My new roommate is one of my Tinder matches... It is so on.
Nothing says responsible like taking your birth control with an open bottle of wine you left on your night stand from the night before
Wait I can't come yet Mr. Brightside is playing
ok i defs just took my shirt off in the middle of a frat party though so keep me updated
Ehh, the third backed out. Two still isn't bad. Who gets a bootycall to pick them up from a bootycall's house anyways? Only me.
Remember, I smoked so you wouldn't have to. I'm like the Jesus of Marijuana.
will you help me invent vagina-safe pop rocks?
Upon further investigation my nipples are bruised and I have teeth marks all over.
Randomize
