u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
there was a trapeze. enough said
consequently i now know what mace tastes like
First day at work... I clogged up the office toilet on purpose to assert my dominance.
if he wont fuck me on the stairamster then i dont think theres much XXX shit going down
Just saw you drinking out of a flask on national tv. I've never been more proud of you
Hey, it was your idea to keep her occupied with the barscanner on your phone.
you didnt need to give her a fucking sharpie. there are handmade barcodes everywhere. including my cock. fucker.
He was all like, "I think ur the one that got away and I miss you." I replied, "I gave u a hand job once in your hot tub. No need to wax nostalgic about it."
I think I ruined his life by managing to get his initiation nickname for his frat to be "Whiskey Dick" but I still wish herpes on him and his fugly new girlfriend.
Rick two cubicles down puked and that triggered three others puking into their trash cans as well. The janitorial staff hates it when we go drinking on a work night.
Some days you just pee in a stairwell and go home.
If a marine in My bed is not considered a valid excuse for missing class then I don't want to live in America anymore
You just sat there staring at your apple and saying "I'm so glad you're here" to it every time you took a bite.
I'm a full-grown woman and thusly I expect my sphincters to behave themselves.
We were having sex but then he spanked me and i punched him but it was just a reflex i swear
Randomize
