All I have in my fridge is chocolate cake, pizza, spicy mayo sauce, beer, and weed. I love college
im returning my roomates shirt with a "i got laid in this" thank you note
so I finished the entire bottle...next thing I know, it's 8 am and I wake up on the fucking beach in the low tide with a family standing about 30 feet from me just staring.
I can't believe he would be such an ass
Your boobs are way too big for you to be worrying about anything.
After I threw him out he walked down the street peeing in stride. I almost wanted to let him back in.
I think my sister is getting tired of me breaking into her house so I can sleep with random girls when shes not there
DO NOT EAT ONE OF DONOVANS WEED RICE CRISPIES. I REPEAT DO NOT EAT IF YOU VALUE YOUR EYE BALLS
Why do I have a missed call from "The Anaconda" ?
Dude it was bad... like you fell asleep around the toilet after drinking from the back tank bad.
But here's the wonderful thing about us. It's us. You could invite me over, get really wasted and end up sleeping with someone else and id be there in the morning to take you to breakfast.
You gotta hand it to him. 6 hours in a new town and he's already fuck someone, had his ass kick by her bf, and rounded up a posse of people to kick this guys ass.
I have a taco in my pocket for later because I am a practical drunk
seriously, who doesn't want to get shitfaced and have sex to the backstreet boys?
Best case scenario you died and I melt into poo
I wish u could call a dildo. Like you do a missing cell phone.
Randomize