My sis friend said it was fake then described it as "scary"...greatest adj ever applied to my dick
I wish I had a dollar for every time I've slept off a late night I dont want to remember in my recliner.
She carries her pencils in a crown royal bag... Need I say more?
I spent an hour trying to convert bar outfits to church outfits. Its hard.
You know me. Don't need roses, just dick and food.
For when you/if you wake up tomorrow.. You broke 4 of the bar's glasses tonight and I am currently watching you as you ride the broom around the bar instead of cleaning up your mess. I am no longer able to come up with excuses for you.
Remind me again why a vodka watermelon can't be a thanksgiving dish
So I've decided to grow a vagina forest. Because I'm single and it's like a zen garden. Brings a new meaning to long hair don't care.
She was blowing me when her roommate came in and goes "you want me to tap in?"
You realize once your inheritance is finalized this shit will stop happening right?
I love when groups of boys part so I can walk through. It's like a red sea of penises, and I am their Moses.
By chance and just chance did you find a cock ring? By chance
Act your age.
I am. I'm acting like a drunk 20 year old.
Go have a frustration cry and get over it
Broken heels while double fisting margaritas, picking up shirtless, bloody men and escorting them out of harms way, the meltdown when I realized I can go without a bra bc my boobs shrunk, the morning vodka red bull you were forced to drink? Which one roped you in?
He made me promise not to describe his penis in detail to you....oops.
Randomize
