so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
just got passed by a van of kids watching the little mermaid. debating speeding so i can watch
Didn't u have court just yesterday for ur driving?
IT'S THE LITTLE MERMAID! totally worth another year of probation
Well apparently "don't come inside of me" wasn't one of the English phrases he understood! On the bright side... At least he will get his green card for having an american kid!
i have a picture in my phone of you with a bottle of tequila in your back pocket. i believe you were saying "pocket of champions" or something along those lines
I'm sorry. I think I have multiple personalities. Or it was the acid. Either way. I'm sorry.
what's the name of the guy at the bank you blew to get the lower interest rate?
um. wrong number, but good luck with your loan
Do you think I can wear the dress I went to jail in with the shoes I went to prom in to the wedding tonight?
I remember telling you it was cold out because the sun was going to explode and people were going to fight for corn. I feel I've mislead you.
please don't fuck her on my bed i'm too poor for laundry quarters
also Jesus you really need to change your diet. I just washed your baby gravy out of my hair and it's so acidic my hair is damaged. You have killer sperm
DOMA is dead. I'm definitely going to be the last of our friends to get married now.
Just got road head. In broad daylight. On the interstate. During rush hour. Pushing the envelope one public bj at a time.
There was nowhere else for me to go. I'm like the island of misfit toys but I'm hot.
He lit a shoe on fire and tried putting it out by peeing on it
I answered the booty call in my Trophy Wife cutoff and my ex-boyfriends sweatpants with a bottle of jager.
and how was that received?
Randomize
