he took off my shirt and said 'oh my god the legends are true'
It's too hard to jack off and hold an ipad at the same time
you kept insisting that i was jake gyllenhaal and you were heath ledger.
He had the smallest penis i'd ever seen. I can see why he drinks his life away.
It's like I just got slapped in the face with the cock of nostalgia.
I may puke in class so I'm excited to see how that goes
TONGUES ARE JUST MEAT TENTACLES IN OUR MOUTHS OMG
HOW ABOUT I DON'T WAKE UP TO THESE TYPES OF TEXTS
I'm a male taking pregnancy tests with every girl at the party. i have no regrets
do you want to shower with me?
only if we can drink the jungle juice while we shower
A little, yeah. We were stealing firewood from the neighbors (drunk), and figured it would be 10 times harder to be angry with us if we got caught if we were naked, and 100% more hilarious.
AND ONCE AGAIN, MY VAGINA HAS STRUCK AGAIN. HER PLANS TO TAKE OVER MARYLAND ARE WELL ON THEIR WAY AS SHE CONTINUES TO ENGULF EVERY QUEER IN A 10 MILE RADIUS
I wore his All-American medal during sex. I came in first that night.
If you don't believe in my fighting skills, I don't know if we can be together
I just watched will sing pure imagination from willy wonka and then blow a banana
Just woke up with only a scarf and my uggs on. i hate partying naked in winter.
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