After I made out with her she fell asleep and started pooting in her sleep. Are we sure lesbians are hot? Cause that wasn't.
i should write a book entitled 'the joys of being sexually objectified'
i asked him how he could stand the smell of skunk. his answer was "it smells like good weed"...
It's been five and a half years since she and my brother stopped dating. I feel like that's a long enough grace period. Going for it.
im so sorry the vomit froze your passenger door shut... you should have stopped.
Haha its ok. When we got back you sat in the car and attempted to tell me in sign language you were blacked out lol
His beard is glorious and he smells like barbecue. Introduce me to him.
Me and Phil are just drawing pictures of thumbs in different costumes during lecture. I love being a senior.
We could supplement the Tour with Edward Andre-hands. Because 40s are for the 99%.
Dude. That is just waaaay to much random to process after that tequila battle.
BTW the amount of schmoozing I am doing towards some guy for an ID that may or may not look like you... You better love me.
In two unrelated events today I have had frostbite on my toe and cum up my nose. Who says life stops when you get married?
You ever just SEE a guy and know he's good at choking someone out?
It's 3 am.
We decorated the tree, drank wine, and he went down on me with Christmas music on in the background. Christmas IS coming.
Now the fun stuff starts.
Someone is losing a finger.
Randomize
