he thinks he's going to hurt your feelings
He can't hurt my feelings
I don't have feelings.
If she catches me sniffing the seat of her office chair again, she's either going to fire me or fuck me
If there's anything in this world better than hotboxing in the rain I haven't found it yet.
Agreed
when i got to my bed there was a handwritten note that said "wash the sheets." sleeping on the couch.
Ive been home for 20 minutes and I'm already in bed with a vodka tonic
Some guy just yelled at me from his car "CLIIIIIIIIIITT"... I feel like this has something to do with last night....
I feel like if Miami and New Jersey fucked each other and produced a baby that would summarize the bar I'm in.
I think i just fucked the same guy a second time without realizing it....does that make me a good whore or a bad whore???
damn. i can't believe how fast that went from 0 to lesbian
Everything smells like blood and olive oil.
On the plus side, I got cel phone video of a major fox news host doing coke.
okay when i look at this i can see it on the future news along with the headline "picture scandal involving senatorial candidate sexually harassing drunken idiot in what appears to be a pink room of pain"
Yeah I'm just gonna shower and drink a gallon of coffee and drunkenly write my research paper. It'll be fine
You know you gave a quality blow job when you have to ice your neck and jaw the next day.
WHO CARES HE GIVES YOU TOE CURLING ORGASMS AND SAYS YOU HAVE KISSABLE SKIN AND RUNWAY MODEL HAIR....WHILE INTOXICATED WITH HIS BEST FRIEND. AND THEN HE SENDS YOU CUTE SELFIES OF THEM!!!!!!! WTF MORE DO YOU WANT FROM LIFE!!! DIE HAPPY ALREADY LADY!!!
Randomize
