Now would be a great time to stop wondering " Who let the dogs out" and go to sleep
So im using the back of a keystone box as notecard for my presentation
another holiday season passes without receiving a dick in a box, where did i go wrong in life?
I was dancing barefoot on glass at one point. That really sobered me up.
i kind of just want to tell my cleaning lady I'm an alcoholic so it's not awkward when I stumble out of my room to go sit in my car for 2 hours and wait for her to finish cleaning the several empty bottles of wine in my room
this morning i checked my reflection in the toilet as i was throwing up to make sure i still had my pearl earrings on
you kept telling her you'd make a great step-dad while cuddling her and rubbing her back...
one minute he's happily playing with a lighter and the next thing I know, he's screaming and the swing set is on fire
So, this year for my birthday, want to get rip-roaring schmammered and watch my episode of my super sweet 16? We can do lines off my tiara.
Look, all I can tell ya is I want to drink wine out of a bottle while you eat me. It would be the most fantastic end to finals week. Maybe ever.
Just applied for assistance with paying my hospital bill from my alcohol poisoning at age 16 while still a little drunk from last night. What is my life.
Circle of life?
He just pulled out my weave during sex....needless to say I'm embarrassed and in need of another shot pronto
He threw up on my head while I was blowing him, and then I started barfing, and the kitchen floor was a mess. Believe me, he will never, ever live this down.
I want to start a guest book for my bed room so when dudes leave they can write a review
why the hell are you crying over taco bell?
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