You do realize the lyrics aren't "hold me close TONY DANZA" right?
You can't be serious.
This bar receipt from last night makes no sense
You were wasted and got mad that it was too high so you subtracted 50 bucks in the tip line from the total
I wish that would've worked
Apparently I called 911 everytime Sean Kingston told me to
So how gross is it that Woopie Goldberg has a vagina? She's like the exact opposite of a boner....
how many princess gummy vitamins will it take to negate last nights drinking binge?
A lesson I learned in the hospital....when you masturbate while attached to a heart monitor, it scares the nurses a lot.
He was on Keeping Up with the Kardashians it was like a deed from god to bang him
she just blew up the empty bag of wine and used it as a floatation device.
Nah I'm perfectly content solely banging the married bartender once a week.
That's practically a relationship for you
The cute guy in my class hurt himself and is on crutches. My first thought was "Good. He'll be easier to take down." Like he's a gazelle and I'm a dick tiger. What's wrong with me?
MANGO MOTHERFUCKING GODDAMN MARGARITA DELICIOUSNESS
I world jack off literally anyone now that I'm not related to.
I'm thinking blowjobs and wheelchair sex should be part of any post-injury wellness plan.
Bryan's allergic to that cheap detergent, so he's been naked for three days. But we're all used to it now, so the party is still on.
She says the reason I don't talk to her is because I'm "emotionally lazy" what ever that means
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