Working on an important paper into the wee hours of the morning, and every time I type the word "situation," I can't help but think of effing Jersey Shore. Those guidos are now ruining my academic life.
believe me... letting the man that delivered you from your mother's vagina do shots off your stomach is really fucking awkward.
My mom just asked me if I was gay in front of my gf
This could be one of the worst things i've done... The background of her phone is her and her boyfriend.
he somehow instantly knew i was from vermont.
it probably had something to do with chasing your soco with maply syrup.
Nope, just sitting on the couch, eating an advent calendar, being depressed about the herps.
surgery went fine. i cant breath out of my right nostril though. lets not eat peas anymore when we are drunk.
My wedding band has saved me from at least four cases of herpes tonight.
Dude next time u fuck on our counters will u please let me know BEFORE I make lunch.
My chiropractor just high fived me for getting drunk enough to throw my back out this weekend.. Life. Complete.
'go have sex with her' ddoes not count as wingman
I asked for a cup of water. They gave me tequila. They WANT ME TO DIE
wait you fucked a guy who wears k-swiss? seriously?
I know, im living my 7th grade dream
I'm good. But Nutella doesn't taste as good as it used to.
Looking back, we probably shouldn't have chased alcohol with more alcohol
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