And by that I mean I told her the plot of the first batman movie as my life and it took her like 20 minutes to figure it out
The only thing I really remember is repeating "I hope I still have a job on Monday". Oh and pulling my boob out of my dress.
So I take it the company Christmas dinner went well then...
i seriously just licked my laptop for traces of blow from the other night
I apparently spent $173 at the bar last night. The proof is in the vomit on my pillow and the receipt I tried to clean it up with.
Yeah, well I just made $600 while taking a shut cause two diff clients called while I was in here. Tell me being a lawyer doesn't kick ass.
i hope this doesn't spoil anything but there are vikings and it is awesome
I'm doing homework tonight but if you end up going out drinking I would like one courtesy peer pressure text.
he was very distressed by my statements that there could have been balls on shoulders without awareness
In other news, someone I've had sex with won jeopardy last night.
I still think the kiddie pool full of jello option is worth exploring. Just sayin'.
And tell the hostess not to worry, she's narcoleptic and fell asleep on the way to the bar, but she'll be fine in a few minutes.
You don't want to cheat on your husband, you just want to fuck someone who isn't him.
I forgot drug dealers have families, too. Cheers to a sober, uncomfortable, slightly enraging Thanksgiving.
I COULD CUT A FUCKING DIAMOND WITH MY RIGHT NIPPLE RIGHT NOW HOLY FUCK
You can’t judge a dick by its balls.
Randomize
