i really wish someone from a royal background would fuck me so i could literally say i was 'royally fucked'.
we marched down beaver avenue with lit tiki torches humming the olympics opening song.
Hey on the reals though tomorrow if i take you out to lunch as just a friend will you also suck my cock as just a friend?
I can coach you back to consumption. Think of it kinda like Rocky II.
Did you sleep with Connor? And who undressed me? There's a picture of two guys peeing out my bedroom window. What happened?
im actually so stoned and hungover i feel like a bag of jello stuffed into a human shape
Keep it up. It gets easier when you turn 21. Something happens in people's brains when they turn 21 and all of a sudden you have the power to drink constantly and abuse drugs and still graduate with good grades and your shit together. Im almost positive I read it in my freshman year bio textbook
Right. Will do. I'll call you if I need a ride. (that is a double meaning, go with it.)
Just beer bonged tequila, broke into the hotel next door and got chased by security. It's spring break
I'm pretty sure the guy on the dance floor with crutches just smacked me in the butt with one. Do you think he's flirting?
You are cut off. Your giant penis and crazy awesome sex is ruining my body...
you said you heard a baby, so i told you to go feed it. you came back 2 hours later with a pizza and when i asked you where the baby went you pointed to the pizza and puked.
Hey. I hope you have enough room in your car for me and a Honda civic front bumper.
I called to inform you I may or may not be getting laid tonight ...
oh man there are to hot chicks wrestling in a pool of maple syrup. ill send you a picture
this is why i will never break up with you
Randomize
