I was in the bathroom and her cat just looked at my penis with a profound hatred.
so the car was packed with everything from my dorm, plus my mom. during the 6 hour trip home she found my kama sutra. started flippin through it.....
oh shit that had to have been awkward
i thought so too. until she asked what the check marks were for
Another one? Damn, how many David's is that?
six.
Oh, I thought it was higher.
No, that would be the Matt's
I knew the only reason I bought a smartphone was to play "You're Havin My Baby" on the way to cvs to buy Plan B.
Seriously, I'm ready to settle for ugly and unemployed as long as he has decent hygene and likes to go down.
Some girl, somewhere, is going to wake up with my face paint on her vagina
Yeah it'll definitely be worth it. Not having syphilis all the time you know
crossed #23 off the Slucket List!
YOU JUST MADE YOUR SLUCKET LIST THIS MORNING.
I'm 11 for 13 getting drunker than the person who's birthday it is
I don't remember what you were saying to me in the bathroom. But whatever it was, yes, because i remember nodding a lot.
I hooked up with a blind guy last night... he's clapping in order to find his way around our apartment
You can be responsible and still be on that ho life
i guess i fuck people who own bucket hats so i can't talk shit
I'm not just straddling the line between love and hate, I'm dry humping the shit out of it
Left my wallet at the store. Wouldn't have noticed if the joint I just rolled wasn't in it.
Randomize
