OMg patrick swayze is the sexuest man he is killing me I'm gonna get dehydrated if I don't stop looking at him
While sitting in bed naked eating ramen and watching the colbert report I realize why random sex happens.
good call on bringing her. it's always good to invite chicks who mix booze and prescription drugs.
operation harelip BJ is a go
i now have a sippy cup solely for the purpose of drinking alcohol out of...am i an alcoholic?
Half of elefante. Gelafin galaxy
Yeah but then he looked at me bleeding on the floor, said oh i guess you need to go to the hospital now, and left
She was the shot vending machine at the party. But free.
The spray paint was a bad idea, 'insert penis here' isn't coming off
I still count it as showing your tits. Even though the wall was the only one who saw anything. Your boyfriend was pissed.
Wait, cocaine is okay but tanning isn't?
Hey, you can never be fully sure you're straight until you jerk off to gay porn
Well I'm back. Could you fill me in on what I missed?
You don't want to know. Trust me.
If you fucking touch my phone and text people, drunk or sober, ever again, i will shove a swizle stick up your pee hole.
You’re a genius! I just walked in, shut the door, blew him and left. He could barely move afterwards and was a hot mess at the presentation. He already sent me a calendar invite for another meeting
Randomize
