Hello, balls-out mistake. It's been a while.
i find it a beautiful talent that i know how much pubic hair the girl in the next stall has just from the sound of her urine
I am sitting on my kitchen floor drunk with a bottle of jose cuervo, tryin to make cinnamon rolls and write a paper. I love college
if it walks like a guido and talks like a guido, i'm gonna fuck it.
Had a couple pieces of pizza for breakfast...suck on that Jamie Oliver.
Making pb&j crepes. Using corn tortillas. So high. I don't know if I'm offending French people or Mexican people more.
Time for jim to play the "dont seriously consider pooping in the trash" game
You may want to re-read your sent texts from last night. You were texting me about your "fire shits" spelled 6 different ways between 3 and 5:30 AM.
All I vaguely remember from last night is getting up on that nice mahogany table and debating about squirrel's rights
I said he looked like a lumberjack and that's when he came. I guess he liked the beard compliment?
Went to bed in my room fully clothed, woke up naked in the kitchen with the dog looking unamused.
My vagina cried when he left. I think she's about to be at war with my self respect.
Babe if there was a way to give a back rub and head at the same time that's what I would ask for my birthday, Christmas and of course right now. Please think about how and get back to me.
I’m traumatised. Bring vodka and condoms.
She’s fine. Found her in the bathtub eating Cheerios and watching Rugrats on an iPad.
Randomize
