I pooped in a mop bucket.
WTF???
Their employee restroom was locked what kind of customer service is that
I don't apprectiate you insinuating that my breasts have a sort of bremuda triangle effect
I thinking of taking all of the pics of his dick that he's sent me and making a calendar.
How long is a courtesy make out supposed to last??
i miss our vodka / percocet laundry days.
The bouncers kicked us out around 3 so we went to the grocery store flasks in hand and asked them to turn up their music...
She just locked herself in the bedroom with an unopened bottle of wine and a steak knife. Unfortunately for her fingers, I stopped giving a fuck two hours ago.
Tell me why I woke up spooning a hamburger like it was a teddy bear.
Unlike bears, this weekend is not the #1 threat to America. It is, however, the #1 threat to my liver
There are so many things that would come back to haunt me if I ran for President someday.
like that video of you mad stoned vomiting in the bdubs parking lot after going to a pizza buffet screaming how you needed to make room for froyo
Wat
I just fixed my mom's tv over the phone in 2.17 minutes while high. I'm a fucking professional.
all i remember is slapping you in the face with a slice of pizza while laughing maniacally.
It got weird the panthers lost and we started throwing wings at one another
I'm just imagining Oprah like "you're popping a boner, and you're popping a boner...EVERYONE IS POPPING A BONER"
So there we are, fucking beneath the Christmas tree and I glance up and see one of the local Jehovah's witnesses staring in horror through the decorative glass in the front door. I'm so proud of us.
Randomize
