I'm gonna cuddle the shit out of you tomorrow
You don't give head? I'm offended and I don't even have a cock...
Following a car with a GPS. We don't know where he's going, but he probably has a better idea of where we're going than we do. Also, very high.
I didn't wanna be that girl that took a shit in the ocean..
My girlfriend was pissed, so if I had to guess, i'd say I had a GREAT time last night
What hospital were we in last night? Insurance needs to know
You leave me no choice. Your vagina is grounded. It can just sit there and think about what it's done.
no one was sober enough to set up jenga so we just threw the pieces at the last person to drink
Puking on the side of the road and legitimately just got a head nod and thumbs up from an 80 year old man on a Segway... What the fuck?
We need to do something soon. I need like 4,000 beers and a cigarette.
Let's get weird.
It's 10 am...
I'm assuming that means you're not busy...
the only thing you said was do the helicopter dick
I just want to nap and funnel a bottle of wine in a cute dress
One day I'll learn not to get drunk on a plane. Today is not that day.
sorry bout the carpet, but you DID call it "blackout punch" not "don't vom on my floor punch"
Randomize
