I want to walk on stilts...naked
Never drink rum straight from the bottle, even if people say it'll make you a pirate. It won't: it'll make you a bumbling shitfaced idiot who just drank rum straight from the bottle.
I sold 10 pepperonis for 5 dollars last night....i fucking love drunk people
His penis was definitely too big to be the type that wants commitment. Shit.
He snuck into my grandmothers house, broke her lamp, fucked me, then had breakfast with us the next morning. I am an awful granddaughter.
Go to petsmart and tell me if the dog trainer is the guy I slept with friday. Thanks.
The entire time I'm blowing him she's in the back seat lecturing me on the reasons why you're not suppose to do that while they're driving...
What is their policy on bow ties and belligerence?
posting about faith hill is really not helping you get me into your bed
Did he ask you why you were in his back yard Sunday night?
It's not your birthday unless mom picks you up at the bar
He a gives rim jobs, because, of course a guy who opens doors and makes reservations would lick your anus..like a gentleman.
I woke up with "To whom it may concern" sharpied on my dick
Sorry, I didn't know he was with you. The ongoing collapse of Trump has me horny as hell.
I literally forgot every French word I knew and blurted out “mange moi” so he went down on me like I was some baguette fresh outta the oven!!!! I passed out.
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