I had a dream that I had 21 friend requests. it was the best day
We'll probably be arrested for having a cheetah in our apartment anyway, so I say go for it.
I kinda wish he had even a slight idea of the sex I'm planning for his departure. I'm literally studying for it.
she woke me up with a blowjob, mickey mouse pancakes, a mugshot of my ex in county jail, and tequilla. Do you know if she fucked someone behind my back or did i win the vagina lottery?
Who knew that one of those cheesy light up equalizer shirts would be the light that all those drunk college girls gathered like moths around?
We had hangover sex and then I called a taxi home. Told him I didn't want his number because, if it was meant to be, we would fuck again. He called me the queen of one night stands.
She's trying to sext her husband for the first time. I'm feeding her lines. It is 3 am and I am playing Cyrano for my wasted big sister TELL ME I AM NOT THE BEST SISTER IN LAW ON THE PLANET.
Martha Stewart has had a one night stand and is unsure if she's had a threesome. I no longer feel slutty.
But he has cupcakes AND I'm guaranteed an orgasm. .. I feel like I shouldn't even have to actually make a decision here.
why is there a wheelchair in the hall and why does it look like we banged in it?
I don't remember much, but I remember he called me the dick whisperer, so it must not have been all bad.
So I think I've successful blown my foot off in a way that's going to make you call me an idiot.
He fucked me in one of the back rooms at the club then gave me an altoid. I have mixed feelings about it still.
Ugh. It's days like these that make me wish my bad habits would kill me faster
I want to get drunk and watch somebody else's tragedy.
Randomize
