if i get an abortion, then will you go out with me?
So I went outside my house this morning and basically my entire front lawn is covered in gummi bears... I think that involves you guys.
Just bought a handle of vodka with the excuse of "just in case we drink tonight"
I don't know how, but he made a bong out of a hamster wheel. To say I am impressed is an understatement.
it's official, i've been high in 26 different states, and three different countries.
Thanks again for allowing my sister to lose her virginity on your bed.
Is it sad that I have better conversations with his roommate before or after sex than I do with him in general?
You know in a few years she's gonna look like her mom. So if you're gonna hit that you better do it while she still looks like somebody else.
Come make me food. I feel like if I go in the kitchen I will just get Gin.. and pass out in there.
It's a little sad/awesome that I scored coke within 60 seconds of walking in the bar.
The student becomes the teacher.
I'm not taking advice from anyone I've seen passed out naked at noon on the hood of a strangers car. Meaning you.
I should not be allowed to reproduce. The world doesn't need my sarcastic asshole demon spawn in child form
Just drink your champagne out of a trophy like a fuckin winner
I fucked her with a giant balloon tied to my dick. You tell ME how my night went
I feel like my toilet water looks different when outsiders use my bathroom...
Are you high right now?
HOW DID YOU KNOW!
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