we're microwaving frozen margaritas its not the same without u
is it sad that i think every plant i pass on the highway looks like a plant from farmville?
the non-midget kid sent 8,000 texts in a month. the midget parents are pissed. THIS IS EPIC WHEN YOUR HIGH.
she moaned out jack bauer's name while i was banging her...
found used condoms and an omlet in my uggs. I'm disgusted but not surprised.
For the record, saying you're friends with the owner doesn't work when the owner is the one throwing you out.
His wife found out about our affair the same day he got fired for it.
I got 87 likes on my changed relationship status. It's official. I'm way more fucking awesome single.
They're mostly guys
Early bird gets the worm.
I HAVE A BLACK EYE FROM A DILDO!! IM GETTING MARRIED TOMORROW! THIS IS NOT A MISSUNDERSTANDING!
Captain Morgan didnt let me down when i stand up it feels like the world is trying to hand me rainbows.
i feel sensations at the ends of my beard. Either I am super high. Or my face has accepted my beard and I completed my transformation to Mecca
I just ordered a "football meatlong" from subway
Let's drink lean at the 5 seconds of summer concert. Give the teens a glimpse into their future as dysfunctional adults holding desperately onto their youth. You in?
I ask him how he's going, like life and stuff, and he responds "20-0 pats"
have fuck
*fun
actually forget it have a fuck too it'll do you good
Randomize
